At some time or another in our lives, we all have dealt with the challenge of ” unresolved issues,” as it relates to relationships, right? Whether it’s that argument between you and your BFF that made you feel unsettled or the break-up between you and your ex that never seemed like things were quite finished. Have you ever wondered why it seemed so easy for that other person to get over the issue and move on while you ended up stuck in your feelings, looking for closure?
The Urban Dictionary defines closure as (paraphrasing) an attempt to ‘move on’ from a failed relationship with another person. It also states that closure is an idea made up by the “overly-emotional” or more unstable individual in the relationship as a way to blame the stronger person in the relationship for the demise of the failed relationship. Oddly enough, the word is used to characterize women as the individuals who typically seek closure when a relationship ends;Brit a friendship of romantic relationship
Don’t get me wrong, the concept of gaining closure can be beneficial when it’s properly sought after and placed in proper perspective. However, my issue with this notion is that more often than not, the individual seeking closure leaves it to the other person to give it to them. If I had to define the term closure, I would define it as consent or permission given to one person in a relationship by the other to separate from the relationship with a clear conscience.That’s all closure is, in my opinion-a permission slip signed by the one who caused the hurt in the first place, to move on without them.
Here’s the thing about closure, it is necessary to move forward; however, you don’t need to get it from anyone except YOU! Sometimes closure means acceptance- accepting that things just don’t work out the way we iexpected them to, accepting the fact that you can’t change people, accepting the facts, PERIOD! Theres a valuable lesson to be learned here; and that lesson is to never allow someone to dictate how you’re supposed to think, feel, or move. You don’t need anyone’s permission to access your happy place. As I stated before, the person you’ve given the authority to doesn’t care anyway. They’re not on the emotional roller coaster with you, they’re standing in line waiting for the next ride.
So understand that while closure may be “necessary” in order for you to move forward from a relationship, just be sure that you seek it within yourself. Know your worth! Set parameters, boundaries and high expectations. Then, live up to them. You owe it to yourself to own your own happiness. Don’t allow your moods and feelings to be dictated by others. Make good decisions as it concerns you! Stay in your square. Don’t compromise who you are for the sake of others when it’s to your detriment. Put YOU first! Because what good will you be to someone else, once you’ve gotten “closure,” if you’re no good to yourself?